Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Bittersweet












At the party with Mommy and Daddy!

On his birthday!


Once again, sorry for the long lapse in posting...as you know, we've had a lot to keep us busy...as usual! I barely even had time to shower (or did I?).. But, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. My baby turned ONE on Saturday, so of course I gladly busied myself trying to make it the most perfect 1st birthday ever...but as with most events, there were ups and downs...

First of all, I learned Friday that my grandmother (my Mom's mom) had passed away earlier that morning. It was a total shock, and naturally, devastating. The fact that I hadn't seen her in over a year gave me so many regrets. She never met my baby. I never made the effort to visit her in Alabama. Oh, how she would have loved to have met him! She used to ooh and aah over the pictures I would send her of him...but I never got him over there to meet her in person. I started a dvd for her just before his spasms began but never finished it. No one ever told her about the Infantile Spasms, so when that started, and we began ACTH, I put the dvd on the back burner. Honestly, I don't think the reality of it all has set in just yet. We were faced with that, Austin's first birthday, and this ongoing battle of the spasms all at one time. Mom was adamant about having the party this weekend though. So, we made the best of it, and Meme would have been proud.

The night before his birthday, I couldn't bear to leave him in his crib. I wanted to wake up with him on his big day and see if just maybe he would somehow morph into a one-year old overnight! To my surprise, he still looked like the same baby from Friday night...no apparent or distinct change to be found! But it was so nice to wake up and see him there on his first birthday. It wasn't until Saturday night that a swarm of emotions came over me. I was reminiscing over that infamous day in the hospital when I first laid eyes on him. I remembered all the emotions and thoughts I had on that day when I first held him. I was so relieved that he was pronounced as healthy as he could be. I really and truly thought we were in the clear at that moment. So, on his first birthday, I couldn't help but think of how thankful I was that day, and realize how little I knew of what lied ahead. Add to that the fact that Saturday was one of the worst spasm days I've seen in a long time...I just lost it. But, just as quickly as the tears came, they stopped. My baby was one...he was really starting to walk...he looked at me and smiled. That's when I realized what I do have rather than what I don't have. A beautiful and otherwise healthy baby that I adore.

The party turned out great -with the exceptions of a few minor meltdowns of my own (silly now, but MAJOR then!). So many people came and doted on my *screaming* baby. Why is that when you really, really, really need them to take a nap, they won't?? He was quite the nap-protester so after all those attempts, he won. We had to get on with the party. He screamed through all of "Happy Birthday" and half of the gifts. It wasn't until Chad dipped his paci in cake frosting that he calmed down. Oh, and he seriously dug into that cake! He was reluctant at first, but he got the hang of it eventually...Before long his hands were covered and the plate was upside down! What a day!

By the way, I couldn't end this without thanking a few people who kept me sane Sunday! Erin, Jill, Haley, and Dylan...and Mom. Erin came to help with the decorations and even made an emergency run for a *working* helium tank -my lips are sealed on the truth behind that one! Jill and the kids came to help out with Austin while we were decorating. And, Mom...she tucked her emotions in her pocket for Austin...not because I wanted her to, but because that's how selfless she is...she was determined that her Austin would have a "Happy Birthday".

4 comments:

baby trevor's mommy said...

Well...aren't you just a big sap! lol Love the wanting to wake up with him!

You guys are such a cute little fam!

...danielle

From all your CDKL5 family said...

Hello I have 2 children who had IS.
Has Austin been tested for CDKL5? have a look at http://www.cdkl5.com

He is a beautiful boy. All the best to you and your family.

Leita

aRtcHixX said...

The birthday boy was SO cute on his big day!! I think he knew how much love and attention had gone into his big day and there were smiles!
I LOVED that I got to be a part of his 1 year old birthday and had some flash backs to that day in the hospital too. I remember Holli on the days building up to the delivery date and the actual date - the woman she was then and the Mother she is today is AWESOME and very Beautiful!!
I'm glad to know that my emergency trip will stay locked away...if only I could keep my big trap shut (thank goodness I can laugh about it, eh?)
Thanks for the invite and I can't wait to get back for a visit!
Give Austin hugs from me!
Love,
e.

Jamie said...

He looks great!! :) :) Keep us posted! hang in there!!U know my e-mail chickadee :)